Trust

It is hard to trust sometimes. When you work and pray and yet things seem at a standstill. Thoughts of not being good enough, or being too insignificant, fill your mind, and you think that you're not worth the trouble, which you really are not. You don't want to fall into pride and think that you deserve the things for which you seek, but deep down you believe that you really do need them. And knowing this need, and watching it grow, you ask,

"What have I left undone that my need is not yet met?!"

Trust.

That is the secret.

As a mother I have denied my children something they thought they 'needed'. I have even given to one and not the other. I had my reasons and they have thought me unfair at times. They can ask me why and I'll explain it the best that I can, but sometimes thay still cry because they don't really understand. And the next day they are O.K. and rarely, if ever, remember it.

So it goes with me. I get so anxious about things and worked up, and then I remember, as has been explained to my by My Beloved, that I am loved. Not just taken care of, or watched out for, or even though well of; but LOVED. As I love my children, nay, MORE than I love my children, I am loved. And not by just anyone; but by The One who made me, The One who makes the Sun to rise and to set for me, The One who has the power to do anything for me.

Can I know what is best for me? I'll think back to my children. If I am a child of God, then I can't really know what I truely need more than He does. I must trust Him. If He can do ANYTHING for me, I must know that He is doing that right now. His goal for me is not to land a certain job, or to gain a certain posession, or even to be happy. His goal for me is much higher. It is to posess Him in my heart so that He can reward me for my service with a never ending happiness in eternity. Everything else is meerly the equiptment that helps me to achieve the goal. All the honors, the posessions, the relationships; they are the tools with which I will work out my salvation.

But, sometimes, I still cry, because there are moments when, even when it's explained to me, I still don't understand.